I've had many nicknames over the years, but few of them have stuck. Here are the ones that I can remember.
Michael, Michael Motorcycle - Some poetry-loving kids called me this in elementary school. I never rode a motorcycle, but it sure sounds cool.
Michelle - Derogatory. Used by mortal enemies. Annoying enemies. Annoying, stupid, detestable enemies. No offense to girls named Michelle. It's a nice female name.
Woody - A classic. A few of my friends in Massachusetts said that I look like him too. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Jalepeño - "He's small and red and packs a punch!" I was shorter then.
Cuz - A friend of mine calls me this because we found out that our grandmothers were second cousins. True story!
Enemy - A different friend had a shirt that said, "I am not the enemy." I insisted that he was, and from that moment we were. Whenever we saw each other, we shouted, "ENEMY!" and grimaced, while shaking a fist in the air.
Wizowski - My roommates call me this today to avoid confusion with another Mike.
Woodpile - My 8th grade Spanish teacher thought this was funny. I never understood.
Michael Jackson Tiger Woods - The best of both worlds. A Brazilian man came up with this one and was absolutely tickled.
Elder Wood Face - That same Brazilian man came up with this one too. In Portuguese, a common phrase is "cara de pau." It translates to "face of wood" and is used to describe someone with no shame. Cheeky. He translated it to English with the utmost pride.
Krunchy - Upon joining the local DDR community, my best friend chose the alias "Krispy." At that point we wanted to do everything in pairs, so I chose to be "Krunchy." Not my best idea.
Injan Turtle - My old xbox live gamertag. No one picked up the joke.
Woodrow - My MTC professor and fellow missionaries called me this. He was thinking "Wilford Woodruff" but "Woodrow Wilson" came out instead. At any rate, it stuck.
Madeira - Wood, in Portuguese. All the Brazilians in my mission called me this. I like it.
Cheeks - Undoubtedly the most embarrassing. The story involves a copy machine.
and of course...
Carrot Head / Carrot Top