Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Not Another Melodrama.

I was feeling mellow tonight and was tempted to write a long, melodramatic reverie, but I decided to read from my most silly creation instead. It's one of those lengthy questionnaires that your friends send you during the summer instead of calling or writing about what's new in their lives. I received this one on "21:00, April 24, 2005" and finished "14 July 2006 2:52 AM." Here are some excerts of my 15-month project.

8. Favorite Movie:
CITIZEN KANE!
Considered by many to be the best film ever made, this is the story of Charles Foster Kane. The film opens with a long shot of Xanadu - the private estate of one of the world's richest men. In the middle of the estate is a castle. We see, inside the castle, a dying man examining a winter scene within a crystal ball. As he drops it, it smashes, and one word is heard - "Rosebud..." What follows are pieces of newsreel-like footage detailing how Kane amassed his fortune, and turning around full circle at the end.

Actually, I've never seen it before, but wow, it has, "kane" in the title, and KANES ARE SO COOL.
CLICK HERE TO SEE AN AWESOME KANE

***Please don't click this old link. Apparently, it has spyware now.


19. What is your point of view on LIFE:
Man I hate this game. I always end up being sterile or having too many kids to fit in the car, and I have to squeeze them in but then I lose some while traveling. And one time while playing in the park, some inconsiderate child threw a watermelon at me. It broke and made a big mess. BUT THE TAXES! DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE TAXES. And sometimes I eat donuts while playing.


24. Laughed So Hard You Peed Your Pants:
No, but I've peed so hard that I laughed.


****Girls Fill Out About Guys****

These sections are really stupid, so I'm going to simplify it.

31. Tall or Short:32. Nice Car or has Money:33. Six-pack or Muscular arms:34. Body or Personality:35. Ear Pierced or not:36. Sporty or Outdoorsy:37. Good Guy or Bad Guy:38. Long hair or short:
ARE YOU A SHALLOW GIRL? No.

****Guys fill Out About Girls****
40. Tall or Short:41. Long Hair or Short:42. Dark or Light Eyes:43. Light / Dark Hair:44. Ears Pierced or Not:45. Curly or Straight Hair:46. Good Girl / Bad Girl:47. Hair down or up:48. Sporty or Classy: ARE YOU A SHALLOW GUY? No.


*******Which One Is Better****

50. Coke or Pepsi: **NEWSFLASH** COKE AND PEPSI ARE THE SAME THING, AND THE COMPANY CEO IS ACTUALLY GEORGE BUSH, WHICH IS WHY COKE/PEPSI LOOK AND TASTE LIKE OIL. NOT LIKE APPLE JACKS, WHICH IS FALSE ADVERTISING.

ahahahah more fiction again. I am on a roll.

51. kFC or McDonald: I will answer this when I figure out who kFC and McDonald are.

52. Cats or Dogs: I saw a movie once called Milo and Otis. It was a heartwarming story about a cat and a dog that wandered through the wilderness together in order to find their way home. In the end, Otis (the cat) died, and milo ate him. The cat was very nutritious, so Milo made it home alright and became the fave family pet. So yea, dogs.


******Favorite******

65. Place to hang out: Nicklecade, where all the ladies go.

66. What Do You Want To Be: more ambiguous than these questions.


69. Favorite Days Of The Week: FUNDAY! Quailman made it. Really, it was on Doug, but my boss still gets mad at me and tells me I am missing shifts. I tell her that there are eight days in the week, but I guess she is slow and hasn't caught on.

72. Does it matter to you what people think about you? Only if they have a gun or a pair of tongs.

73. Who Is Most likely not to send this back: Me, because I don't usually reply to my own mail.
That's it folks. Congratulations, you have now seen into my 2005-2006 personality. I hope you enjoyed the view.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Wait, Wait... Don't Mind Me

I walked around campus today while listening to "Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me" on my mp3 player. As enjoyable as it was, I will probably not do it again. Wherever I went, people looked at me, puzzled by my dumb grin and suppressed laughter.

The episode included interviews with comedians as well as jokes about Sesame Street. Sesame Street! How was I to stay composed?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Charles Darwin re-united me with old friends.

I've always been fascinated by the lives of great scientists and thinkers. Today was Charles Darwin's 200th birthday, and BYU had a special lecture in his memory. The lecture was enlightening, but most memorable for me was waiting in line to get a piece of birthday cake after the lecture.

In the line I met a girl that I had gone to high school with and had not seen for several years. I was also standing next to a friend that I lived with in Helaman Halls during my freshman year. Those two are both biology majors and began to chat. Soon after this meeting I found someone that served in my same mission and who happens to be in my ballroom dance class. Just then, two more friends from high school arrived on the scene and joined our conversation. Those two began talking with my mission friend and discovered that they had a mutual friend from Massachusetts that served a mission in Guatemala, where one of them served. As my mission friend left he signaled to my friend from freshman year, indicating that they also knew each other.

We all have many friends and acquaintances, and running into them unexpectedly is not uncommon. The fusion of social circles, however, is a peculiar experience. I often forget that the mental compartmentalization of persons is no more than the brain's attempt of organizing data and does not necessarily represent the possibility or impossibility of certain social interactions.

I traveled through five years of history in a matter of minutes as I conversed with these friends from the different periods of my life. I looked at each of them individually, then collectively, and thought, "These people represent my life." Not entirely, but they make up a significant portion. Neat!

I imagine that funerals must be very similar, except you aren't available to make introductions. Unfortunately, forcing different social circles together without a common, living link is just awkward. Heck, it's usually awkward even with an introduction! Maybe I can hold my funeral before I pass on to make the occasion enjoyable for all. It would be wholesome fun, and everyone would be invited. Then, when I really die, everyone will already be friends so they can focus on me instead of feeling awkward around each other.

That's probably still a long ways off, though, so in the meantime I'll keep making friends and preparing for my living funeral preparation party. If you're reading this, you're invited.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

My Happy, Brazilian Surprise

Remember how I said that I didn't think I was eligible to apply for the study abroad, but I would speak with someone just in case? Well, I spoke with someone, and it worked. I'm going to Brazil on June 22.

While I'm there I'll take two classes and visit many historic sites around the country. Our group will be centralized in São Paulo, but we will go as far as Rio de Janeiro and Bela Horizonte. I've been told that we will also see the Iguaçu falls, as pictured here.



I expect to see rainbows just like this. I bet they're permenant.



I know I sound nonchalant about this, but I couldn't be more excited. When I found out that I was accepted I could hardly contain myself. I wanted to dance around campus and shout glad tidings to every creature. I probably would have, had I not had to work. I still shared a brief vocal outburst with a friend, but I mostly kept it in. I was floating the rest of the evening.

Thoughts of Steve Carell from Get Smart flashed through my mind as I sought a way to express my contentment.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Eyeballin'

I'm going to tell you about the risotto that I made tonight. It changed my life. After taking the first bite, I threw back my head and shouted for joy. It was euphoria.

I looked in the fridge, hoping that the dishes from the Food Network would be inside. Instead, I saw a container of cooked rice and a container of sauce. It wasn't the lamb burger wrapped in prosciutto that I was wishing for, but it was a start.

The sauce was made with a jar of pasta sauce and a can of creme de leite (table cream). I first poked a hole in the can of cream and drained the liquid, leaving a nice, thick cream. I then added the cream to the pasta sauce, heating on the stove.

So, here is what I did... Are you excited? Isn't food exciting?!

I sliced and cooked an Italian sausage in a frying pan, and then I added the rice and sauce. I added some oregano, and when it was finished, I sprinkled it with an Italian blend of shredded cheese. Simple! And yet, it was one of the most delectable dishes I have ever designed. Try it today!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

What's in a name, anyway?

I've had many nicknames over the years, but few of them have stuck. Here are the ones that I can remember.

Michael, Michael Motorcycle - Some poetry-loving kids called me this in elementary school. I never rode a motorcycle, but it sure sounds cool.

Michelle - Derogatory. Used by mortal enemies. Annoying enemies. Annoying, stupid, detestable enemies. No offense to girls named Michelle. It's a nice female name.

Woody - A classic. A few of my friends in Massachusetts said that I look like him too. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Jalepeño - "He's small and red and packs a punch!" I was shorter then.

Cuz - A friend of mine calls me this because we found out that our grandmothers were second cousins. True story!

Enemy - A different friend had a shirt that said, "I am not the enemy." I insisted that he was, and from that moment we were. Whenever we saw each other, we shouted, "ENEMY!" and grimaced, while shaking a fist in the air.

Wizowski - My roommates call me this today to avoid confusion with another Mike.

Woodpile - My 8th grade Spanish teacher thought this was funny. I never understood.

Michael Jackson Tiger Woods - The best of both worlds. A Brazilian man came up with this one and was absolutely tickled.

Elder Wood Face - That same Brazilian man came up with this one too. In Portuguese, a common phrase is "cara de pau." It translates to "face of wood" and is used to describe someone with no shame. Cheeky. He translated it to English with the utmost pride.

Krunchy - Upon joining the local DDR community, my best friend chose the alias "Krispy." At that point we wanted to do everything in pairs, so I chose to be "Krunchy." Not my best idea.

Injan Turtle - My old xbox live gamertag. No one picked up the joke.

Woodrow - My MTC professor and fellow missionaries called me this. He was thinking "Wilford Woodruff" but "Woodrow Wilson" came out instead. At any rate, it stuck.

Madeira - Wood, in Portuguese. All the Brazilians in my mission called me this. I like it.

Cheeks - Undoubtedly the most embarrassing. The story involves a copy machine.

and of course...

Carrot Head / Carrot Top